This is my body

Inspired by the photo and post by Molly Galbraith the other day on Facebook.

This is my body.

I am not a fitness professional. I'm 'just a mum'. I work, I organise kids school and extra-curricular activities, help with homework, I support my husband through a double masters program. Sometimes I even manage to clean my house and catch up with friends for a coffee or *gasp* dinner!

This body has dealt with primary and secondary infertility, miscarriage, anxiety, depression, stress, fatigue. It has struggled with an eating disorder and been both very underweight and overweight.
It bares the scars and tiger stripes of two full-term pregnancies and c-sections. It breastfed two babies for almost 2 years each. It also manages the effects of PCOS, GORD and other minor issues on a daily basis.

But this body is MINE. And it is loved.

In the past it screamed out for help as it dealt with pre-diabetes, constant migraines, sickness, infections and the complete inability to walk up a small flight of stairs without becoming out of breath.

But this body is strong.

This body loves movement. It also loves fruit and vegetables and crisps and cupcakes.
It loves push-ups and pull-ups and leisurely walks along the beach. It also likes late mornings followed by bacon, eggs and strong black coffee.

This body tells MY story. Every wrinkle, every crease, every grey hair, every smile.
I don't want to look like anyone else. I don't want someone else's body (or legs or nose or abs or whatever).

Because then that body would not be ME.

This year I am determined to love this body more. To cherish it's story, to love it's abilities and adore it's individuality.

In a way only I can.

 Because this body is mine.

Life is too short to worry about what other people might think.

Does anyone else like light, snackable meals during the day?

Sometimes my stomach doesn't want food until 'lunch' time, and then it just wants something simple.

Even my kids make up their own 'snack plates' now - fruit, raw vege, whatever cold meat may be in the fridge, nuts etc anything goes.

I've given up trying to 'fit in' with others regarding what and how much I eat. It's much simpler just doing my own thing, no matter how weird or crazy I may look to others.

I have a good feel for what makes me happy and feel good now, so I'm just gonna run with that.

Life is too short to worry about what other people might think. Eyes on my own plate, and they should keep their eyes on their own.

Easing back into routine.

We got home on Monday and I made time to wander into the gym yesterday morning.

Not to 'work off' my Christmas indulgences though. But to gently ease myself back into routine and do something I truly enjoy.

It's a part of my life now, movement makes me happy, it sets up my day and just makes everything better.

Another gentle session tomorrow with some yoga & stretching thrown in (I've put a yoga mat upstairs in front of the gorgeous sunlit balcony) and I'll be all ready to start back my training program on Monday.

And back to work too 😊

Morning yoga

There are some interesting photos on my phone from my morning yoga taken by my 8yo 😂

This is a habit I've been trying to make - some gentle stretches and yoga before breakfast on non-gym days. It definitely helps to wake me up gently, so I might just stick to it a few times a week 😊

Coeliac Disease sucks.

When you get woken up to the sound of your 8yo crying and moaning in pain because his stomach hurts so bad.

And later you roll over and realise your husband is downstairs sick because he didn't want to disturb you.

That is Coeliac Disease. And the next person who tells me that they're avoiding 'bad' gluten but that cake/beer/chocolate/whatever looked so good so they decided to 'cheat'? They can go jump.

We were having a discussion the other day in my badass lady lifters group 💜💪 about why we lift weights.

We are all at different stages of our journeys and lives, so it was fascinating to know a little more about what makes each of us tick.

For me, what started as simply a weight loss/look better journey has definitely changed into something else the more I learned and grew over the last 3+ years.

Why do I lift?

1. So I don't fall apart later in life. Seriously. With my family and personal medical history, I'm determined to look after my body and mind. I'm gonna be like that little old lady from Madagascar that kicks everyone's butt 😉😂😎

2. Being strong makes me feel capable. I can lift, carry and move stuff around. It makes me feel useful to have my husband ask if he can borrow my muscles 💪❤

3. I really, really enjoy it. It's my 'thing'. And that's the core of it. Very few people would willingly get up at 5am regularly to move heavy things around and get drenched in sweat unless they actually enjoy it. I have been known to grin mid-lift because it makes me so.darn.happy.

I am learning to appreciate what my body has been through so far in my life and what it can do, even with some limitations.

And lifting heavy stuff lets me do more things that I love and spend time with those that I love, which really, is probably the whole point for me.

Movement for life

It isn't always about going hard in the gym. Sometimes just getting in and getting something done is an achievement in itself.


This is a lifelong thing for me. Life has its ups and downs and you need to move with it. Lifting is my meditation, my calmness, and sometimes deloading and just focusing on the movement is good for the soul as well as the body.

I didn't quit sugar

I have no issues adding a measly 1/4 cup of white sugar to what will be 32 passionfruit mini muffins to be eaten at various outings over the next few days. 

Normally it would be brown sugar for colour, but I've run out 😉

Why I take gym selfies

Dodgy gym selfie.

I take selfies for a reason.

Not so long ago I would hide behind the camera. There are very few photos of me and my munchkins when they were little. At group gatherings I would avoid anyone with a camera like the plague. I hated looking at myself in photos. I know I'm not conventionally pretty and all I could see were millions of flaws glaring at me while surrounded by beautiful people.

So I take selfies to try and get myself reacquainted with who I am. I still struggle hugely with my self-perception, but at least I know there are photos of me floating around for my kids to see.

So, this is me, flaws and all. Dodgy selfie skills included. Hot, sweaty and stuffed after a gym session. But happy :)

Checking form via iPhone

Checking form via iPhone.

Because I lift at home, generally by myself, I do quick vids on my phone every now and then to check form. Particularly if I'm lifting heavy that day.

 Depending on how it goes, I'll either tweak some things and keep going at that weight or de-load a bit and do a little more focused work.

The aim is to work out safely. I'm in no hurry to get anywhere, I just want to lift stuff. It's my mental release, so any injury would be very sad indeed!

I spend a good amount of time warming up, listen to my body throughout the session (adjusting accordingly if needed) and then do yoga-type cool down stretches. Eventually, I'd like a power rack, but until then, I'm careful with my squat rack and it does the job. Regardless of your reason or how you workout, safety should always be number one.

Coeliac Disease is not a 'bandwagon'. It's not a choice.

We were at a play date in a park yesterday with a heap of other parents and kids from school. We all brought plates of food etc.

As I put my gf muffins and rice crackers on the table another mum mentioned that they were looking into jumping on the 'gluten and grain free bandwagon' too.

I couldn't actually think of anything to say. I think the confused and dumbfounded look on my face spelled it out though lol

My son, husband and mother-in-law have Coeliac Disease. I don't have a choice. Trust me, if I could feed them the usual flour-filled goodies without fear of them getting really sick, I would. My daughter and I still eat some gluten containing things, we don't need to avoid it. But I cook & bake using only gluten-free ingredients so that I don't have to stress about cross-contamination and so that everyone can eat the goodies.

Coeliac Disease is not a choice. Going gluten free is a necessity. It's not fun. It's not 'trendy', it just is what it is. And sometimes it sucks. Try being an 8yo boy watching his friends tuck into really awesome looking cupcakes or pizza and knowing you can't even have a taste because otherwise you'll be sitting on the toilet for hours after (and that's a mild reaction).

If you want to go gluten free because you believe it will help you lose weight or will make you healthy, seriously, go for it. But that's your choice. It's not a necessity, it's not needed (no matter how many self-styled health 'gurus' or celebrity bloggers tell you otherwise). But don't minimize the seriousness of an actual auto-immune disease and lump it together with what is essentially your lifestyle choice.

Exercise is not punishment.

 Exercise shouldn’t be punishment because you ‘ate something “bad”.

Besides the fact food is just food, and there should be no moralistic values given to it, punishing yourself through exercise or restriction leaves you open to a whole host of issues down the track.

Moving your body is an awesome thing, no matter how or what you do.

Don’t like weights? Don’t lift.
Don’t like running? Don’t run.

Like playing a sport? Get involved.
Like Zumba? Shake that booty.

Your body is brilliant. Just think of all the things it does on a daily basis. Exercise and movement helps it to do those things better.

Love your body with movement you enjoy. It will thank you in so many ways.

Maintaining my weight loss

I’ve had a few questions lately about what I do, how much I eat, what I weigh etc. So here is a quick rundown on what I did and how I go about maintaining my weight loss and enjoy living my life (hint, it’s not all about eat super healthy or low calories).

Disclaimer: Please keep in mind I am insanely short. I also have a strange build with very short legs and narrow-ish hips. If you are a of average height and/or build and can’t get your head around my numbers, just ignore them… or multiply them by 1.5 ;) I have found that a lot of people who are even a just little bit taller don’t quite understand the smaller numbers. But it’s all good – my doctor is happy, I’m happy, and that’s all that matters.

At 4’9, I have a maintenance range between 39-40kg (85-89lbs), which is about a 19 bmi.
I got the wake-up call when I was creeping into the overweight range for my height (I was too embarrassed to weigh properly, so I guess-timated) and I lost a little over 10kg (22lb), which was about 20% of my starting body weight.

When you get told you’re almost pre-diabetic, your PCOS is going ballistic, can’t walk up stairs without being out of breath halfway, your ankles are always swollen and you need to wear a size of clothes that makes you look like you’re wearing a tent…. yeah, that’s a wakeup call. Regardless of that number on the scale being “so small” to an average person.

When I found MyFitnessPal (MFP), a calorie counting site, I started with the usual 1200 calories (0.5kg/week goal) that short people get, and didn’t enjoy that very much lol

I upped it to 1300 and then discovered intermittent fasting, and did a variety of 5:2 & 16:8, which allowed me to ‘eat more’ which was important for me psychologically (when following 5:2, you must eat your full TDEE on the non-fast days – for me that was about 1500-1600 at the time).

Intermittent fasting taught me how to recognize true hunger signals and realigned my thinking of serving sizes to a more realistic view. Calorie counting was also very beneficial with this too. Having to eat to maintenance on ‘off’ days, also taught me what a normal amount of food actually was.

Note, this was beneficial to me personally. Everyone is different.This just happened to slot in well with my mindset and fitted my lifestyle really well. Therefore, it ‘worked’ for me when I needed it to. I strongly encourage everyone to try different things until they find something that works for them, and just because something doesn’t/couldn’t fit your lifestyle, doesn’t mean it won’t for someone else. Everyone has to find their own path.

In terms of exercising, I started off just walking and then jogging with friends. I still walk a couple of times a week with those same friends.

Then I bought some Jillian Michaels DVD’s (30 Day Shred & Ripped in 30) and did those to get my base level of fitness up. They were a really good re-introduction to working out and helped me to gradually learn how to fit exercising back into my daily life. Any DVD or YouTube workout that you enjoy doing will do that – you just need to find one you like. My current favourite cardio videos are from Fitness Blender which are available free on YouTube.

And then I started lifting weights (New Rules of Lifting for Women) just before I reached my goal weight (which was actually 45kg/99lb, but I unintentionally kept losing while trying to figure out the maintenance thing), and I’ve been lifting ever since. I started very basic with little tiny dumbbells and bodyweight moves (Nerd Fitness is a really great resource for beginners) in my lounge room and added more as my confidence grew.

Looking back, I’ve actually weighed less in my adult life, but I’ve never been this small or fit. I can’t say enough about the benefits of some form of resistance training. When used in conjunction with a realistic calorie deficit, it literally shrinks everything and tightens it all up! Once again, it doesn’t have to be free weights. Find what works for you and what you enjoy and go for it.

Nowadays I have a weights set up in my garage and I lift 3x a week (following the New Rules of Lifting Supercharged program). I add in fun cardio at least 3x a week as well (at the moment swimming or doing stuff with the kids). All up, I probably do about 6-ish hours of ‘scheduled’ exercise spread out over the week. But I also make time to move throughout the day and am conscious of not sitting too long.

I don’t count calories any more, as that was part of my plan – I don’t want to have to do that for the rest of my life. For me, it was too all-consuming. I have a perfectionist personality when it comes to numbers and I can take it a little too far.

I also don’t follow a strict intermittent fasting lifestyle any more, but I have found that some days it seems to sneak up on me. I don’t freak out if something occurs and I don’t have time to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner/whatever – I just acknowledge that life happens and deal with it. My metabolism is just fine, thanks. Oh, and I’ve never been stronger in my life, so I must be doing something right by myself.

I have taken all that I have learned over the last few years and apply it every day. It’s still a work in progress, but it’s worth it My TDEE based on my average exercise amount is a little under 1800 (being so short sucks), but I know that appetite is not linear, just as weight loss is not. On any given day I may not be all that hungry, but on another I may be ravenous. It all evens out in the end. I eat foods that make me feel good, some days that means chicken and vegetables, other days it may mean a small slice of cake and icecream.

And I make the.best.muffins.ever.

The best thing I have ever learned in the last few years is this –

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

I also add, And move.

And that’s what I stick to.

When it comes to food, it's just food.

Food is food is food.
There is no ‘good’, there is no ‘bad’.
Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re not.
And yes, that’s something you may actually have to learn. And it CAN be learned.
Eat foods that make YOU feel good physically & emotionally (what works for one may not work for another), and enjoy the act of eating.
Try not to second-guess yourself.
It’s just life, don’t over-think it.

Introduce small changes into your life – that you can stick to.

Small steps lead to great things. Even two years ago I don’t think I would have ever seen me following an actual weight lifting program and sticking to it.

I’m a great believer in slow and steady. I think that was my favourite fable as a child, particularly as I was never very fast (hello short stumpy legs!) and I do like it when the underdog triumphs

In terms of reaching an end goal, whether it be weight, health or fitness related, the best first step is to identify small things that you can gradually change. One step at a time.

Be realistic with your goals though. Not everyone is the same. There are different genetic and environmental factors that can come into play and you need to work with them. Take into consideration your individual needs and abilities. Don’t compare yourself to others – they have different bodies and different genetic makeups and with different responsibilities. The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself.

When I finally decided it was time to lose that excess weight that had crept up on me over several years, I started by looking at my diet and deciding what I could change. When I say ‘diet I mean what we eat. Not a ‘lose x amount in 2 weeks doing y’ fad-type diet thing. Just swapping things around, cutting back on stuff, having a good hard look at how much I was eating.

I started really simple. Drink more water. I bought a filtered water bottle (I prefer the taste) and my first aim was to drink one of them a day. These days that water bottle goes everywhere with me and I drink at least 2 each day. No more problems with water, and yes, initially I was all ‘but I don’t like water’. Trust me, you learn to like it and even crave it. It really is my preferred drink of choice now.

There’s a lot of talk these days about how sugar or carbs or grains are ‘evil’ and ‘toxic’ and somehow ‘bad’. That’s a load of hogwash. It’s just food. We need all three macro nutrients – protein, fats and carbohydrates. The amounts may differ from person to person, but we still need them in one form or the other. As I said, everyone is different.

That said, yes, I agree that our modern western diet contains a little too much in the way of added sugar. But it’s fairly easy to cut back on that if you need to.

I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and the insulin issues that come with it. I also have a family history of diabetes on both my mother & father’s sides. So for me (and I stress the for me individually part), reducing the amount of added sugar in my diet was important. I mean, did I really need 3 teaspoons of sugar in my tea? (yes, seriously). That was the easiest thing to cut back on. It took me a little while, but now I drink both my tea and coffee with no sugar, and sometimes black. Which is handy when you’re out and there is no dairy-free milk available (I’m lactose intolerant).

Look at what you eat each day, and how much. Identify areas where you can cut back or swap out particular things. It could be as simple as reducing your daily coffee intake, researching proper portion sizes or carrying a water bottle with you everywhere and reminding yourself to sip it throughout the day.

I still eat cookies by the way. And brownies (I make awesome brownies). I just eat less of them. And I changed the way I cook, partly through necessity (when my son was diagnosed with Coeliac Disease) and partly because I became more aware of what I was eating and how different ingredients work together.

As Michael Pollan says, “Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.”

I pretty much stick to that.

I really like food. This was a really yummy burger from Grill’d. I had to try their gf low-carb bun at least once – it was definitely a winner with me.

Once I got my food intake sorted and to a point where I thought I was okay (although it’s an ever-evolving process), I started to think about exercise.

At least once or twice a week I got together with a group of school mums and we started walking around the oval after school pick-up while the kids had afternoon tea and played. I still do this actually. I go with one friend on Monday and I’m going this afternoon with another. Sometimes we run, sometimes we walk. We keep each other motivated, but also the kids keep us motivated – they don’t want to miss their afternoon of hanging out with their friends!

I also slowly started added 20-30 minutes of deliberate exercise into my day. I looked at my weekly schedule and the only time I could fit it in was in the morning. So I guess I forced myself to become a morning person. I started with the basics and the 30 Day Shred (Jillian Michaels) – 20 minutes, quick and effective at 6am lol Eventually I moved onto longer DVD sessions (I highly recommend Fitness Blender on YouTube – all free and all good) and during this time I rediscovered my love of strength training. I’d always done a lot of gymnastics and bodyweight exercises while growing up, but now I realised I was in a position to be able to do real weight training and I devoured every piece of information I could find and decided upon Lou Schuler’s New Rules of Lifting for Women.

I get up at 5am three times a week to lift. It’s only at 5am because that’s the only time I can fit it into my day around kids, school, work and husband. Otherwise you can pretty much bet I would be staying in bed and getting it done later lol but those lifting sessions are my sanity-keeping time. They allow me to focus on the given task at hand without any input from all the other stuff flying around in my life. They are my time to myself, and probably my form of meditation.

Find an exercise or sport that you enjoy doing and make it a part of your life. It’s all about getting up and being active. Choose what works for you – everyone is different. I like lifting weights, hanging off pull-up bars and kayaking, you might like running, swimming, yoga or basketball. Start with a little, and keep adding to it. Don’t rush it. Eventually the change will happen.

Learning and living, my journey to a healthier life simplified.

Kayaking is my happy place.

I suppose it was about 3 years ago that I finally got serious about wanting & needing to lose weight and do something about my rather poor fitness levels. Having been fairly active while growing up (I lived on a farm, with two brothers, we were rarely inside and there was always something to do), the so creep of a sedentary city lifestyle as well as other more personal factors had taken their toll. I’d started taking small steps already – cutting down on sugar, trying to move more (I started Couch to 5K, but stopped at about week 6 after somebody told me that what I was doing wasn’t counted as ‘running’ – yes, I had issues, but also some people are just plain rude), but I needed to learn more and get stuck in and do it in my own way.

It really is a bit of a wake-up call when you finally step on a scale and realise that you are heavier than you were at the end of your last pregnancy (with the Boy who was not a small baby for someone my size – big hungry bubba he was!). And that little number has tipped you over into the ‘overweight’ zone.

What the hell? I’d never been overweight. Underweight, yes. But overweight, no.

I wasn’t carrying another life inside me, and I hadn’t magically grown a couple of inches (I actually lost one!), so I had no more excuses.

At the worst of it, I couldn’t even walk up the stairs in our new house without being out of breath at the top. I had become resigned to the fact that perhaps this is what happens with age. You get heavier, you can’t breath, you get sick all the time, constant headaches and everything hurting. I’d almost come to accept that I would also probably get diabetes just like everyone else in my family as well, especially as I already had PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome).

That’s really just a little bit sad, isn’t it? And depressing.

I much prefer being able to bound up the stairs two at a time now.

In the beginning, it was hard to get proper support from others around me (see case in point mentioned above about my ‘running’ style). Being so short, if you discuss your weight numbers with someone of average height, they get jealous because to them, it seems so small. They never take into consideration the height difference. They don’t realise that when you are so vertically challenged (145cm/4’9), a ‘measly’ 5kg (11pd) weight gain or loss can make a huge difference.

I started small. I walked with some friends after school 1-2 afternoons a week while the kids played on the playground. We went round and round the oval. Then I would go walking/jogging with a friend of a morning after drop-off and before work. We managed to squeeze 20-30 minutes in before 9am. I began reading, and researching and learning, and trying different things until I found something that worked for me.

And over a period of about 18 months I lost 20% of that original overweight bodyweight. I’ve been maintaining a perfectly healthy weight range since October 2013.

I had moved onto at home DVD’s (Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred) and little by little I got used to including exercise & movement into my daily routine. Eventually, I found my way back to strength training, something I had always enjoyed when I was younger.

These days, I love food and I love lifting heavy things and being active – which is a really good thing as they all go so well together. This healthy lifestyle business really is a journey of self-discovering and never-ending learning. There’s so much more knowledge out there, I don’t think I will ever truly be ‘finished’.

Food is awesome. As is coffee.

Life and living is one hell of an awesome journey.

I’m not naive enough to think that life will be all smooth sailing, although that would be nice. There are just so many more ways to really enjoy life when you’re fit and healthy. I was missing out on that before. I have no intention on missing out any more.